About Me

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Santa Fe, New Mexico, United States

Saturday, June 30, 2012

A New Age




I turned 55 a few weeks ago. I started taking Boniva for my osteoporosis, even found a chewable calcium/Vitamin D supplement I can endure. I cut my hair pixie style. I’ve taken myself off of Facebook. I was beginning to feel pretty spread out looking for “likes”...recognition…looking more for getting than giving.

I’m wanting more and more to have a simpler life, no drama, or at least less of it…at work and in my personal life. This birthday seems to have brought with it a stronger awareness of being in the second half of my life. I want more life and less work. That is to say, ensure I’m making time for extended periods of writing and getting out there in the world with my photography.

I continue to focus on my word of the year, “curiosity”, which seems to continually present itself on a daily basis. Curious about what’s going to happen in each next moment. Oh, I still ensure my bills are paid on time, walk the dog, feed the cats, but I’m also watching the amount of time I spend being negative, especially when I’ve always considered myself a positive, “glass half full” kind of gal. I had always seen this negativity as my practical nature; you know, the “reality” of things. And now I want to switch it all up…I know I’m going to argue with I. when he comes over tomorrow- switch- I love I. so much and I can see us getting along more and more. Work is so chaotic – switch- I am learning so much about newer ways of communicating and I feel respected, heard and “seen” by my boss. I wonder if D. will always be faithful to me- switch- I have the most amazing love-filled, respect-filled relationship ever.

Hopefully, you hear what I’m sharing and I’m not belaboring the point. This year, turning this age, has more to do with being in the present moment and not looking back or wondering what will happen in the future. My dad’s house finally sold after being on the market for a year; it feels like this was the pivotal moment that closed that book, the book on the first half of my life. Becoming the “orphan” has propelled me into a more solid sense of me than ever before. Who knows, it will probably take the rest of my life…the second part of my life to unfold it all, peel back all the layers.  I am so curious and filled with wonder at what these next decades will offer. 

I just finished Joan Didion’s latest book, “Blue Nights”; her memoir detailing the experiences around the loss of her daughter. She also takes a hard look at her own mortality. She has travelled in famous circles all her life and as she is looking at an image of Sophia Loren, who she discovers is her age, she thinks, “I am spellbound: Sophia Loren too is seventy-five years old. Sophia Loren is seventy-five years old and no one on that red carpet, to my knowledge, is yet suggesting that she is making an inadequate adjustment to aging. This entirely meaningless discovery floods me with restored hope, a revived sense of the possible.”
As I walk the walk of the wise woman/crone, I look first to the wisdom I can share/give to my own self.

To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work. ~ Mary Oliver


Saturday, June 23, 2012

Now What?



Bullets, sound bites, pithy thoughts, focus. These are some of the many things I've had my mind on lately. The depth of Pluto, the healing of Chiron, the exuberance of Jupiter and the surprise and lightening speed of Uranus. I find it a miracle that all these thoughts can be occurring whilst putting gas in the car, having blood drawn, walking the dog, buying a new piece of technology. An interesting mix of emotions as I leave behind so much of the past and enter into the newness of each moment...each day. A continuation of my "word for the year", curious. I continue to be surprised at the necessity of this type of acceptance as life unfolds at non-understandable break-light speed. And so, once again but a variation on....the "bearable lightness of being."

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Musings on the Eve of...

 Hush

 Today I recognized that that jewel-like beauty is the presence. ~ Rumi

A multi tiered, multi layered kaleidoscope of thoughts, images, imaginings...
real estate closings, closing this chapter of my life, a final tangible farewell.
Then there's this...safety for my son, the street artist...it takes work every time he leaves the house...I say a prayer under my hug and tell him, "stay safe"...(under my breath, in my heart, come home to me). And then there's this...my writing, listening...listening...allowing the voice to emerge. I dreamt a dream of a story years ago; she waits as I search, wait, listen, anticipate her birth onto the page, a photograph, her story,  my story...is there really such a thing as fiction?

I created a new writing space for myself in the middle of my living room; now it's my living room...living/writing/reading/discovering...a bigger space to more clearly hear her voice. I'm getting confirmation from several sources...there is a great need, this is an important time for allowing simply "being"; giving transformation it's space in our daily lives. How can we know anything if we aren't paying attention and listening?


Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Joy of Presence



Simply being present with joy and the beauty that surrounds.

Time Out



Time out for a short get-away north; greener hills, horses, cattle, water running freely, filling my senses with calm.

Preparing for my summer; focusing on a writer's grant due in November, the goal is to submit by September 1st. The actual process of writing the grant which includes writing samples, a genre decision (poetry, fiction, creative non-fiction or playwrighting), how my community could benefit from this award and how will I be able to give back (it's a lot of money!)

I'm looking forward to diving deep and seeing what I can come up with! The grant writing process is really about being willing to look at what I want to share with the world, what that voice might be and honoring the voice that is in there to get out!

Monday, June 4, 2012

The Juiciness of Intuition



You get your intuition back when you make space for it, when you stop the chattering of the rational mind. The rational mind doesn’t nourish you. You assume that it gives you the truth, because the rational mind is the golden calf that this culture worships, but this is not true. Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.”
Anne Lamott

Aspens

Aspens
Bending Branch

Aspens

Aspens
Aspen Bark

Aspens

Aspens

Buddha Applied

Buddha Applied

A Moment in Time

A Moment in Time
Silence

Silence Series

Silence Series
Silence2

Silence Series

Silence Series
Silence3

Street Photography

Street Photography

Train Graffitti

Markings

Faces From the World

Faces From the World
Bhutan

India

India
Folk Art Festival