About Me

My photo
Santa Fe, New Mexico, United States

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Reflections on Space & Time


Father time, there is no time, time is an illusion, there's no time like the present, in another time and place, time and again, a time to love, a time to heal, time heals all wounds, another time, time immemorial, timeless, time flies like a swift sword,(fruit flies like a banana), a stitch in time makes nine, once upon a time, time waits for no one...etc., etc., etc.

I say, time has collapsed and there is no time.
Just now...and now...and now.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Impermanence & Letting Go





Impermanence & Letting Go
If there’s one certainty in life, say the Buddhist teachings, things change…always…and at some point. Pema Chodrin says the “teachings (of impermanence) encourage us to relax gradually and wholeheartedly into the ordinary obvious truth of change.”    

This teaching has been on my radar for, consciously, the past six or so years as I’ve said good-bye to my mom and my dad and my job. But, I’ve said hello to a beautiful, healthy relationship, a new job where I’m appreciated and “seen”, and most importantly, and I believe this informs every other aspect of my life, hello to a creative life with writing and photography that was simply waiting for me to open the door.

I’ve said good-bye to my twenty-five year old, who tripped and fell a few times and now is living with “the love of his life”. Good-bye to a monthly menstrual cycle that put me to my knees on more than many occasions; hello (and almost) good-bye to hot flashes, memory loss and emotional swings that made PMS look like a cake walk.

And the good-bye I’m walking down the street hand in hand with now is the letting go of my youngest son Ian, now 17. He’ll be 18 next February. I adore him…what can I say? From the moment I helped him up to the surface of the water in a small kiddie pool that we somehow fit into our bedroom back in 1995 after 3 hours of very intense labor. ( I had called the midwife around 9pm and she said, “oh don’t worry, you’ve got time, I’ll be there for you. When you get in the nice warm water, the contractions will slow down). Ha-ha, Ian was born two and a half hours later sans midwife.

No one can ever tell you or describe for you the level at which you can love your own child. I’m starting to understand, that for me, that feeling of love is so big there isn’t a container large enough to hold it…and anyway, why would I?

Ian was such an easy baby and then I got divorced and he went to school and he met the world head on, who told him in no uncertain terms that if you are different, the world will challenge you every step of the way. And yet, through it all he has remained completely true to himself. I’ve often described him as a young man who walks to the beat of his own drum. And well, I suppose I raised him this way… wanting to be free and not be told by anyone what to do (you’re not the boss of me)…um…eh hem….I have to admit that is a part of his genetic makeup…indeed.

This is his last year living at home. Every moment I have with him I record as the “possible last” something I will do with him; holding his head after he had his wisdom teeth extracted a few months ago, letting me take care of him. Listening to him as he shares his realization that death happens to us all after witnessing one of his best friend’s crack his head open from skate boarding. And today…today he asked me to give him this very sophisticated haircut…way beyond my abilities as house hair cutter. But, somehow, miraculously, with him showing me several pictures for examples, it turned out smashing; another “possible last” moment.

When Ian smiles it makes my heart sing. He let me take his picture today, something he NEVER lets me do. A letting go that I understand will take a lifetime.

And so Pema says about impermanence, “…What it means is that we begin to understand that we’re not the only one who can’t keep it all together. We no longer believe that there are people who have managed to avoid uncertainty.
              

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Surprise Visitor

Walt Whitman
Out of the rolling ocean, the crowd, came a drop gently to me,
Whispering, I love you, before long I die,
I have travel'd a long way, merely to look on you, to touch you,
For I could not die till I once look'd on you,
For I fear'd I might afterward lose you.

2

(Now we have met, we have look'd, we are safe;
Return in peace to the ocean, my love;
I too am part of that ocean, my love—we are not so much separated;
Behold the great rondure—the cohesion of all, how perfect!
But as for me, for you, the irresistible sea is to separate us,
As for an hour carrying us diverse—yet cannot carry us diverse forever;
Be not impatient—a little space—know you, I salute the air, the ocean and the land,
Every day, at sundown, for your dear sake, my love.)

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Field of Dreams


I just want to lay down and rest. It feels like its been a busy decade plus. Make it all simple and uncomplicated while holding everything and everyone in my field of vision and understanding. Big and small and everything all at the same time. I believe it is possible to be the bodhitsatva and hear the cries of the world and at the same time not be overwhelmed. It does take vigilance, awareness, mindfulness and moment by moment attentiveness.
Its all just life isn't it?

May it always be full, dynamic, and thoughtful.

Friday, August 3, 2012

What is a body...


What is a body but a house-
What is a soul but a light-
What is heaven and earth
but the same shared radiance.
-Dixon Tempest (brother to T. T. Williams)



The Allowing



The Allowing
 
I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about you.
I pressed my warm hand onto your cold folded hands,
kissed the hardness of your forehead leaving an imprint of my lipstick.
I thought, “This kiss goes with you forever”.

I pressed my warm hand onto your cold folded hands.
The full harvest moon hides behind thick clouds.
I want to be more like myself than ever before.
Your hands, cold but solid, give me ground.

The full harvest moon hides behind thick clouds.
What does authentic mean to me now?
Your hands, cold but solid, give me ground.
Where is the ground I once knew?

What does authentic mean to me now?
A siren sounds in the distance and Lucy howls in response.
Where is the ground I once knew?
There is now only free falling.

A siren sounds in the distance and Lucy howls in response.
I carry you both with me now in every moment there is.
There is now only free falling.
I am now free to carry myself into the future.

I carry you both with me now in every moment there is.
I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about you.
I am now free to carry myself into the future.
I thought, “This kiss goes with you forever”.

to Duncan & Loretto 

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Finally Sitting still and the Smell of rAin

Monitor blinking, phone ringing, car driving, dog walking...slowly
slowing the frequency down
Walking, hearing thunder in the distance
Full moon rising
Breeze blowing and I've finally quieted
down to smell the rain coming and the softness of the breeze on my leg and the renewed remembrance of this one present moment
And the way the mixture of rain and dry grass fill my senses.

Aspens

Aspens
Bending Branch

Aspens

Aspens
Aspen Bark

Aspens

Aspens

Buddha Applied

Buddha Applied

A Moment in Time

A Moment in Time
Silence

Silence Series

Silence Series
Silence2

Silence Series

Silence Series
Silence3

Street Photography

Street Photography

Train Graffitti

Markings

Faces From the World

Faces From the World
Bhutan

India

India
Folk Art Festival