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Santa Fe, New Mexico, United States

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Breathing it all In


Surprise
It's always a surprise to me when I find that I am depressed or sad or melancholy or lonely. 
I'm usually quite the happy one/positive one/supportive one. But as I get older I find these states of mind showing up more often. 

Peculiar
It's even more peculiar when I can feel sad/lonely/raw; when I encounter another (my partner, my son, my boss/co-workers) I find that my brain immediately switches to being "ON". I unconsciously/consciously, willingly leave that state of emotion and get on to the present moment of interaction. 

Healthy
Is this a healthy response? I choose to say nothing (most of the time) because I don't want to be a martyr, don't want to seem negative/cranky/complaining. (You've got so much to be grateful for, for god's sake).

Another
And if I'm feeling a certain way because a thought/emotion/feeling has come up in regards to another, I tend to take responsibility and say, "Well, if I'm feeling this way, then surely this is what I must need in order to grow in this moment."

That is Why
That is why I keep the mouth shut/move on. Am I discounting my feelings? It's hard to say because I also watch as I can immediately turn on a dime from feelings of loneliness and separateness to laughter and joy. If my feelings/emotions/moods can shift so rapidly, then I don't even wish to spend time with the negativity.

Just Move On
I prefer to simply move on.

6 comments:

  1. Right or wrong, I recgonize that behavior in myself, even if feeling sad/down I'm able to push it aside if the situation calls for that.
    Do you think it's perhaps a Woman thing? The first response being to always think we need to come across as happy & having it all together?
    You give me much to think about!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Yes, I think it might be a "woman thing". We might be hard wired to always be ready/present/help/nurture/mask our own feelings for the sake of others. I think men and women do this...both in our own ways. I'm remembering to "put your own oxygen on first". Only I know what I need...healthy selfishness?

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  2. Mary, so thought provoking and a post I can so relate to! Thanks for sharing so I know that I'm not the only one with these feelings!

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  3. I can relate to your post ~ I pretty much keep to my own, without sharing my troubles to others ~ I wish you happy week ~

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  4. You've hit a chord with this one. I think you have it right. When things change so rapidly, why waste time thinking too much about it and giving a passing feeling too much meaning? But then again, it's hard not to ponder....

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for visiting. Hope this finds you well.

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