What to do with all this time in front of me or… the care and feeding of Mary after getting fired and…discovering how to be in every moment to create the unexpected and the beautiful and then… the miracle.
All this time in front of me;
in back, in front, all around; time to be confused, to process, to be granted, to figure out, to allow. Run out and look for work, apply for unemployment, push, wonder, search, question. It’s all a question of faith and not allowing fear to take hold. The universe had the timing down perfectly.
“No time for writing or photography”- I do now.
The care and feeding of Mary after getting fired;
was I fired?…an amicable firing? No time for wandering/wondering into others thought processes; not my business. So I… take baths, drink hot chocolate, buy roses, meditate, alter my consciousness, run away from the feelings/emotions inside…don’t take it personally. I can’t get far enough away from me. I walk Lucy, feed the cats, I read…beautiful, healing language/story/poetry.
to create the unexpected and the beautiful. Pema says,“Be fully present, feel your heart and leap.” Historically, I’ve leapt quite a few times in my life; work and relationships. When something or someone, a situation doesn’t feel right…I go…I can’t stay…the energy moves me. But I’m learning how to not “throw the baby out with the bath water.” Such an odd turn of phrase but everyone knows what it means; knowing when to stay and when to leave.
I connect with source, find my creativity, make images…write. I breath…deeply and oftenly. I remember the beauty of practicing prostrations. It comes to me in the morning, freshly showered. Hands folded, palms in prayer at my solar plexus. Do I remember? I bow and, begin. Bring prayered hands to the forehead (I take refuge in the Buddha), bring hands to the third eye, (I take refuge in the dharma), bring hands to the heart; (I take refuge in the sangha). I bend forward, kneel, sliding forward, moving hands/arms outstretched before me. A full prostration; powerful to lay it all down, give it all up, surrender, allow. And the practice itself, right now, is larger than any one lineage and I bow deeply for all the teachings/teachers. The Buddha: all my teachers throughout time and lineage. The dharma: every word I’ve ever read/heard/received throughout all incarnations. The sangha: every community I’ve ever had the honor to be part of and this includes my sangha of one – me.
And then…the miracle…
the rainbow appears, notes from my lover’s guitar float across the air, sandalwood candle burns bright, the champa incense sends out its fragrance waving smoke lines. Shades/hues of pink roses so fragrant waft and fill my senses. Lucy leaves the cats to rest. I see the last light of day. I feel the keypad beneath my fingertips. I am warm inside a house with a refrigerator full of food and running hot and cold water. I taste the fruitiness of the wine as it travels the back of my throat.
I am alive and I am loved.
I am alive and I am loved.